I wonder if you could help me with my roast potatoes…
Yes dear readers (touch of the dramatic Bridgerton there) it is possible to cook a roast potato badly – not enough of a par boil (or heaven forbid, no par boil at all); no fluffing (it’s a potato term for the low minded of you, look it up); dropping them directly into cold oil or skimping with your oil; not having appropriate drying out time (the bit where they get really crispy). My point is that even with something as straightforward as a roasted potato it’s possible to do it badly.
The same can absolutely be said of customer service. People think that it is enough to ‘do’ customer service or to at least have a customer service process but actually that’s no where near enough, having several different options for contact so the customer can communicate in their preferred method (not just via the dreaded telephone or an answerless email) is not enough if the person at the other end of the process is inept, uncaring or worse annoying.
Now I’m going to caveat this story with the fact that I am incredibly British when it comes to complaining. All my complaints or enquiries for customer support start with “I wonder if you could help me” and end with “I’d appreciate your thoughts on this”. It’s potentially very ineffectual but I can’t help it!
I recently bought a new printer, I say recently it was 6 months ago, and ever since said purchase it’s been a bit erratic in its performance. I’ve put up with this, found work arounds and coped but it reached a point where I could no longer do so I needed to contact customer support. Browsing online I found that there were several options for me to contact – phone (don’t have time for that, I need to be able to multitask), email (Hmmmm, I’d like a quick response as I need my printer), Facebook messenger or WhatsApp. WhatsApp, genius. I can keep working and reply on my laptop – what an excellent piece of innovation.
Several automated bot questions later I’m through to a human who asks me my issue, which I explain he offers to help me and then disappears.
I kid you not. Must have been a shift change of something but suddenly there’s no one there.
3 days later I get a message saying ‘we’re back to help’ then shortly later ‘seeing as we’ve not heard from you we’re closing your case’.
Uh, what? Not heard from me? You ran off. Okay, breathe deeply, small glitch so let’s try again.
I message back. Several automated bot questions later I’m through to a human who asks me my issue, which I explain he offers to help me and then disappears.
This is not a joke, a mistype or a cut and paste issue. This is what happened.
I shout into the abyss for a bit but no one answers my messages.
A week later, yes a full 7 days, I get a message saying ‘we’re back to help’ then shortly later ‘seeing as we’ve not heard from you we’re closing your case’.
I reply with ‘are you kidding’, I know, classic British sarcasm. The automated bot does not understand, I’m more sarcastic, bot is confused, so I use the words complaint and escalate – weirdly this gets me straight through to a person (sensible bit of programming that, stops people’s heads exploding whilst talking to the ‘helpline’ on WhatsApp)
I get a human, a real one, they ask questions and I answer. He gives me actions to do, there’s back and forth and this goes on for 4 hours. Again, not a joke or hyperbole, 4 full hours of trying things to solve my problem. Suddenly my problem is a whole lot worse, there are error codes and lights flashing and nothing is working anymore. So, what does my helpful human do? Disappear. 3 (increasingly desperate) messages later and I have to admit I’ve been abandoned.
2 days later this farce starts again. I eventually get a human who asks for my problem – I politely (potentially not as politely as I could have done) explain that I have already told 3 people my problem, 2 of whom ran off and 1 who made the problem worse. I suggest that he re-read this string of disasters. Apparently, that is not possible. Facebook can hear everything I’m saying and target ads to me but these people cannot see a message I sent TO THEM several days ago.
I take a steadying breath and offer to send him the screenshots. Which I do- he thanks me then tells me he’s going off shift and will be back. So, points for telling me you were going but not ideal timing.
Turns out it was also a lie, he never came back.
Next day, ‘we’re back to help’ then shortly later ‘seeing as we’ve not heard from you we’re closing your case’.
I’ll admit that at this point I lost it (in the most polite, British way possible) poor bot had a meltdown with my hyperbole words like disgraceful, disaster and disgusting. Through gritted teeth I stopped ranting and answered the questions to get a human again. I get one, he asks me my problem and what little patience I had snaps.
No.
No? Then how can I help you?
I’ve told 4 people now, I cannot go through it again.
I understand that but can you just tell me?
No. Just re-read the conversation thread.
I’m afraid I can’t do that.
You can’t see previous messages, that’s not a very robust system and will certainly hamper good continuity and customer service. Even I have screen shots of the whole debacle.
You have screenshots? Great. Can you send them over?
No. They’re mine for Litigation purposes, use your own.
Guess what, he went again.
I’ve fixed my own printer, I officially hate these people and their useless WhatsApp support and I’d like to reiterate that it is entirely possible to go very, very wrong with both customer service and roast potatoes.