Finding your Tribe as a Small Business Owner

Recently I went to an amazing event with some wonderful women all of whom were running their own businesses. We were all from different businesses, at different stages and there for different reasons, but we naturally found a lot of common ground between us.

At one point we were having a discussion about visibility and how we felt about stepping up our own exposure.

I made an honest comment that the thought of PR made me nervous because it was so public and that the thought of the authentic me being out there for everyone to see made me uncomfortable. As we explored that statement, I realised it was because the person I am in my business is not the person I am in my personal life; not because it’s two separate people but because I don’t think people in my personal life will care for or like the overtly confident, vivacious, intelligent person I am in my business.

It made me realise that I try to purposely keep myself muted- not small or different- but like a black and white version of my technicolour self. Fear of judgement, fear of boring people or putting them off - these all contributed to that feelings - which then triggered the memory of a conversation I had years ago.

Shortly after I went back to work after having my first child I remember meeting up with other mums, the first question they asked me was how work had been. I remember it distinctly, I was happy to have got back into the groove and my answer was simple “I loved it, I forgot how good I am at what I do”

Everyone laughed, they called it a typical Danielle-ism, one of many, how could I be so… overly confident, I suppose. It’s still referred to now, it’s just something about me that’s odd, like one of my friends who is clumsy or one who prefers to drink tea in the nightclub. I am the overly confident one, the bolshy one, the extra honest one with no filter.

I shared this story with the group and it sparked a conversation about the people we surround ourselves with.

One lovely lady shared that she had been shamed by her friends for offering daytime slots for meeting up, replying with a cutting “some of us have full time jobs” - as if running a business is a hobby or a part time thing and not a 24/7 effort of will and passion.

Another said how impressed they were that I could do a podcast, she could never do it as one of her friends had once told her that she had a voice like a ‘squeaky my little pony’ (she absolutely didn’t by the way) and that thought had burrowed deep into her subconscious and made her think she couldn’t do it.

These are just three examples from a room of nine women, I’m sure there are thousands more and I’m 100% sure that whilst no one chooses friends that would purposely hurt them, people often don’t realise the power of their words or their dismissals.

As entrepreneurs and business owners we are different, we’ve chosen to walk a different path to the norm and that’s something to be proud of- but it’s also important to realise that not everyone will ‘get it’ and that’s okay too.

I think if you are surrounded by toxic people who make you feel awful about yourself then you need to reconsider your friends but if you are surrounded by good people, with good hearts who just don’t ‘get it’ then that’s alright.

The trick is to find a room that’s full of people who do get it, people that do what you do or at least something similar- the ones who get the tax stress, the difficult clients, the good and bad days. They don’t have to be there all the time but you do need them there for some of it.

Part of me thinks that finding your people, where you can be 100% you all the time would be amazing- imagine how freeing that would be. Like that saying that you are the sum of the five people you surround yourself with. However, it’s probably not realistic, especially in this digital age.

That said, having a tribe that is a safe space for whatever aspect of yourself you’re letting out at that moment is a powerful thing indeed.

Connection, communication and collaboration are so important for every area of our lives but I feel that, as small business owners, it’s especially key if we want to grow and shine like we deserve.